Catholic Haiku

I thought I’d pluck this baby out of our Envoy Magazine back-issue archives. These Haikus were composed by some Envoy Insiders several years ago.

Hmm, maybe I should kick off a new haiku contest. What do you think? Anyway, here they are (and remember, you can only blame me for the first few) . . .

PATRICK MADRID

Parochial Memories

With surprising strength,
Sister’s ruler smashed down hard
on my fifth grade hands

New Tricks for Old Dogmas

Anathema, sit!
I told my little, brown pooch.
He did. Good doggie

The Zen of Parenthood

Irony mocks me
when I shout at my children
to say, “stop shouting!”

Besmirched

How was I to know
not to wear my good suit in
the aviary?

Comedy Is Not Pretty

“You call this humor?”
they shrilled in disappointment.
My Envoy haiku list stank

JIM MOORE

Travails of an Elder

When I genuflect
my knees make a funny noise
they did not used to

Pluriformity

Sometimes, I wonder
how there can be two ways to
pronounce “trespasses”

Red, Red, Wine

I believe deeply
that Jesus, when at Cana,
did not make white zin

DAVE HESS

Strength in Christ

Seeing my resolve,
Satan hastened his retreat
toward the exit

What Kids Should Know

Peter holds the keys
yes, the Bible tells us so,
as do patristics

Where Were You When I Created Haiku?

Job had much patience
a gift that is hard to find;
it helps with Haiku

Balaam Should Have Known

While reading Elijah
I considered Brother Ass
to be of interest

Ring, Ring

When God calls on you,
consider it a blessing;
He calls those He loves

CAROLINE SCHERMERHORN (R.I.P.)

Duty Calls

I’m very sorry
I am a mother of six
I can’t write Haiku

Working for the Man

No time for Haiku.
I still have deadlines to meet
I’ll never sleep

PAUL THIGPEN

Sister Cool

Ubiquitous pantsuit
Earrings, chic coif, and makeup;
new habits die hard.

Want Ad in Milwaukee

Unemployed church renovators
looking for work
we don’t do (stained-glass) windows

Catholic ABCs
CCD, DRE
KoC, NCCB
O I M D Z

Liturgical Regurgitation

Stuffed with stale musical Twinkies,
one more ride “On Eagles’ Wings”
will make me puke