I gotta git me one of these

I am so putting this on myAmazon wish list. Anyone?

“Beat him out of recognizable shape.”

Here’s a list of actual English subtitles from actual Hong Kong Kung Fu Movies, sent to me the other day by an e-mail pal.* These are the results of the original Chinese dialogue being rendered — or rather, beaten out of recognizable shape — into English:

1. “I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.”

2. “Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.”

3. “Gun wounds again?”

4. “Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.”

5. “A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.”

6. “I’ll burn you into a barbecue chicken!”

7. “Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?”

8. “Quiet or I’ll blow your throat up.”

9. “You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken!”

10. “I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!”

11. “You daring lousy guy!”

12. “I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!”

13. “Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.”

14. “How can you use my intestines as a gift?”

15. “The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?”

16. “Beat him out of recognizable shape.”

* I received that e-mail in October, 1997, and ran this list in the issue of Envoy Magazine that was just going to print shortly afterward. Anyway, I ran across it again just now and, even a dozen years later, it still evoked a chortle.

Join me in San Antonio, February 18th & 19th

If you’re anywhere near San Antonio, Texas, next month, I hope you’ll be able to attend the Archdiocesan-sponsored seminar series I will be presenting there at Blessed Sacrament Parish on Oblate Drive. This flyer has more details, and you can also call 210-734-1990 for directions.

I’ll be speaking on the following topics:

• Answers to Lies Society Tells You
• The Godless Delusion: How to Respond to Atheist’s Claims
• The Bible and the Catholic Church: A Marriage Made in Heaven
• The Case for Christ: His Existence, Resurrection, and Divinity
• How to Explain the Sacraments to Someone Who Doesn’t Believe in Them
• Stump the Apologist: An Open-Forum Q&A Workshop

Bring your friends! I’d love to meet you in person. See you there.

If you don’t want your children to lose their Catholic Faith in college, watch this

Belmont Abbey college is rapidly becoming the college-of-choice for an increasing number of Catholic parents who are concerned (as they should be) about sending their children to get an education at a place that will actually endanger their Faith. To be sure, there are other excellent Catholic colleges here in the U.S., and I am always happy to encourage folks to check them out. But I also have a personal reason to tell you about Belmont Abbey College, and that is that my own lovely daughter Madeline is a student there, and my wife and I have been very pleased with both the quality of the liberal arts education she has been receiving there, as well as the school’s thoroughly Catholic environment.

Among BAC’s many excellent qualities, I am particularly impressed by the fact that their new Eucharistic adoration chapel is always teeming with college students (like Madeline) who come to make a visit to the Lord at all hours of the day and night.  That says a lot to me as a parent about the focus and quality of the Catholic identity at this school.

Please take a few minutes to watch this video introduction to all the great things happening at Belmont Abbey College. My wife and I would never send any of our children to a school where they would be in danger of losing their Faith because the school did not nurture and feed it. And I’m sure that all of you Catholic parents are just as serious about finding a Catholic college where your children’s Faith will be strengthened, not ripped away from them. If that describes you, I think you’re going to like what you see in this video.

If you’d like more information on how your son or daughter could attend Belmont Abbey, be sure to visit BAC’s website and even arrange a tour of the campus by contacting Ms. Joan Bradley at 704-461-6009 or joanbradley@bac.edu. Joan will be happy to get you more information.

N.B. I am affiliated with the college through my work directing the Envoy Institute of Belmont Abbey College — a Catholic apostolate is dedicated to helping Catholics of all ages, and especially younger Catholics in high school and college, to know how to explain their Faith more intelligently, defend it more charitably, and share it more effectively. If you’d like to become part of the work we’re doing with the Envoy Institute, such as becoming a member, please be sure to ask Joan about that too.

Just cuz you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not talking about you

The National Catholic Register’s “About Us” section is about to change

For years, the Legion of Christ has emphasized that being involved in the media is an “integral” aspect of its (once) ever-expanding mission. This thinking was borne out in the Legion’s 1995 acquisition of the National Catholic Register and Twin Circle magazine (whose name was changed to Catholic Faith & Family). Its in-house media arm, Circle Media, was established that same year to administer these two publications as well as publish books, promote Internet ventures such as Catholic.net, and the like.

But these days, since the sordid double-life of the organization’s founder, Fr. Marcial Maciel, came to light in 2009, the prevailing winds are no longer blowing in a favorable direction for the Legion or its closely intertwined lay affiliate, Regnum Christi. Many young American Legionary priests have abandoned the order, most having transitioned into diocesan ministry. Thousands of disheartened and disillusioned lay members of Regnum Christi have likewise bolted. Donations to the Legion are down. Vocations are down. There are indications that both are, in fact, way, way down, which would explain why the Legion’s already determined belt-tightening has recently moved into high gear. It would appear that the belt has become a tourniquet.

The Legion’s U.S. publishing entity, Circle Media, is now kaput. Its abrupt disappearance fits the ongoing pattern of retrenchment taking place within the once far-flung and powerful network of Legionary owned and operated ventures. True, Circle Press, the Legion’s book-publishing subsidiary of Circle Media, still has an Internet presence, but that seems to be only because, with a load of inventory still sitting on the shelves and needing to be depleted, it only makes sense to try to sell product for as long as possible. Prices for their books have been slashed dramatically, some down to just $2.00.
Over the last two years, waves of layoffs have hit the lay employees of the organization’s many lay apostolates and business ventures. The wide-swinging layoff scythe has whickered remorselessly through the ranks of the Legion’s in-house lay staffers. The order’s real assets are also being downsized. Once-important properties in the Legion’s American holdings are being sold off. I am told that enrollment at their Center Harbor, New Hampshire, apostolic school for boys (grades 7-12) has been steadily dwindling. Three of my own sons attended that school in the 1990s, back when enrollment was booming and a splendid new dorm-gym complex was constructed to accommodate the ever-increasing number of boys who felt a call to become Legionary priests.

Now, however, at least one grade at the once thriving school is comprised of fewer than five students. I can only assume that if enrollment there continues to dry up, the Legion will be forced to do one of three previously unthinkable things: either 1) sell the school outright or 2) import students from other countries, such as Mexico, in order to keep the place operational or 3) convert the facility from a school to a retreat house or something of the sort. It’s unclear whether the same diminution in enrollment has affected other Legionary seminaries, but time will tell.

In the meantime, the cost-cutting scythe will swing twice more in a few days.

The next two strategic pieces on the Legionary chessboard to be eliminated are the National Catholic Register and Faith & Family Magazine. As will be announced in the next few days, both publications have been sold by the Legion and will be changing hands soon. Out of respect for the Register’s new owner, I won’t name names — you’ll know who it is soon enough — but I can tell you that the new owner is an organization run by good and dedicated people who are thoroughly Catholic and certain to ensure that the paper is faithfully Catholic and journalistically excellent.

Personally, I am very pleased at this new chapter in the Register’s saga. And as for Faith & Family, well, it has always been an exceedingly beautiful publication, perhaps the most lush and elegant Catholic periodical around on the American scene. (And I’m biased in this regard, because I publish Envoy Magazine, which I think looks pretty good, too).

You’ll be hearing the official news of these changes in the next couple of days. I have high hopes for both publications and encourage all of you to subscribe to them as a vote of confidence for their new circumstances and their new owners.

Something to be aware of: the possibility of impending food shortages

Patrick_Gala1

Rick_Bass

Instant Gratification

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