The plan isn’t foolproof. For it to work, certain things must happen.

November 7, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

—The door to the vault must have accidentally been left open by the cleaning woman.

—The guard must bend over to tie his shoes and somehow he gets all the shoelaces tied together. He can’t get them apart, so he takes out his gun and shoots all his bullets at the knot. But he misses. Then he just lies down on the floor and goes to sleep.

—Most of the customers in the bank must happen to be wearing Nixon masks, so when we come in wearing our Nixon masks it doesn’t alarm anyone.

—There must be an empty parking space right out in front. If it has a meter, there must be time left on it, because our outfits don’t have pockets for change.

—The monkeys must grab the bags of money and not just shriek and go running all over the place, like they did in the practice run.

—The security cameras must be the early, old-timey kind that don’t actually take pictures.

—When the big clock in the lobby strikes two, everyone must stop and stare at it for at least ten minutes.

—The bank alarm must have mistakenly been set to “Quiet.” Or “Ebb tide.”

—The gold bars must be made out of a lighter kind of gold that’s just as valuable but easier to carry. . . . (continue reading)

Question: What’s the least useful college major if you need to rebuild civilization after the apocalypse?

May 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

It’s not English literature. It’s not economics. It’s not classics. It’s not philosophy. It’s not accounting. It’s not history. It’s not pre-law. It’s not linguistics. It’s not sociology. It’s not special education, political science, communication, or Portuguese. And it sure as heck isn’t engineering, chemistry, or physics. So, what is the least useful college major if you needed to rebuild civilization after the apocalypse? Click the image to find out. . .

If you’ve heard “Jesus, Take the Wheel,” you might enjoy this

May 16, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

If you haven’t, you really should watch the video of the original song first, and then, once you’re hep to what it’s all about, watch this reworked version by comedy genius Tim Hawkins. And when you’re finished with it, you will probably want to watch every other humor video he’s ever made. He’s that good. And lucky for you, there are tons of his videos on YouTube 🙂

Visualize World Peas

April 20, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

All we are saying is give peas a chance.