Suffer the little children

October 26, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

In Matthew 19:14, the Lord says to His meddlesome disciples, “Sufferthelittlechildren, and forbid them not to come to me: for the kingdom of heaven is for such.”

This verse came to mind as I read these interesting and insightful comments by a Catholic blogger named Amy, a “20-something” mother of two. Seems she was party to a spat in the back of a Catholic Church recently, in which an older woman was vehemently rebuking a younger woman for permitting the noisy distraction the latter’s young children caused the former during Mass. The young mom, God bless her, stuck up for herself and for her buckaroos, and Amy found herself drawn into the squabble, coming down on Young Mom’s side. I believe I would have done the same, had I been there.

Yes, I can relate to Young Mom and to Amy. But I have to admit that I can also see where Older Woman is coming from and can sympathize with her exasperated reaction to the commotion during Mass. People on each side of this hot-button issue need to be charitable and understanding toward each other.

As the father of a large family myself (picture taken in 2007), I know from experience how, at times, kids can be awfully irritating to those around them with their noise and fidgeting and such during Mass. And although all my children are now either adults or well on their way to being so, I have a great sympathy for young families who are just starting out and learning (hopefully, they are learning) how to control and shush their children when they need to.

A few times, though not very many, as I remember, Nancy and I have been on the receiving end of some cranky remarks and pinch-mouthed scowls from older pew-mates who were irked because one or more of our kids made noise during Mass. It happens. Comes with the territory. Get used to it.

But in truth, I must admit that I also have some sympathy for the cranky scowlmouths who are irked by unduly noisy kids at Mass. Even so, they are greatly in need of practicing patience and forbearance toward those noisy families who, whether through neglect or simply being overwhelmed do not do enough to keep the kiddos in line.

There’s room for improvement on both sides of the divide.

On a personal note, our family attends an absolutely wonderful, traditional, Dominican-run, parish — one of the very best parishes in the country, I’m convinced. After having cris-crossed the U.S. and Canada for about 25 years now, speaking at Catholic parishes by the hundreds, probably over a thousand of them by now, I have seen the best of the best and even a few of the worst of the worst, and everything in between. (Thankfully, the parishes that have me in to speak are heavily skewed toward the far end of the good side of the good/bad meter).

At our excellent parish, there are a lot of families who have a lot of kids. I’m talking counter-cultural-to-the-2nd-power lot of kids. Many of these fine and devout Catholics are adept at the art of swiftly rising from the pew and hustling a talkative, crying, screaming, or otherwise disruptive child out of Mass and out into a hallway.

This is good and pleasing in my sight.

But there are some parents, not many, who don’t seem to have learned a lesson of basic courtesy that I believe should be mandatory as part of all pre-Cana and Engaged Encounter preparations, and that is: 
“Thou Shalt Not Irritate Everyone in the Church to the Point of Distraction By Allowing Your Disruptive Child(ren) to Remain in the Pew and Make Everyone Else Miserable Simply Because YOU WILL NOT DO THE RIGHT THING ANDGET UP AND TAKE THE CHILD OUT OF CHURCH BEFORE PEOPLE’S HEADS START EXPLODING.”

Parents must understand that by allowing their child(ren) to make loud noise during Mass they commit a minor injustice against everyone else, who want to pay attention without easily avoidable, unnecessary distractions. Plus, it is very bad form. And it’s inconsiderate. How I do wish that our pastor would direct the lectors to make one additional announcement before Mass, right after they announce that everyone should immediately turn off his cell phone before Mass starts. Just add this: Parents, if your children get fussy and noisy, please, out of charity for those around you during Mass, take your children outside until they settle down.”

I think that’s reasonable, don’t you? And if this were routinely done in Catholic parishes, while never neglecting to welcome, embrace, encourage, and support large and rambunctious Catholic families (like mine) — they are an important part of the future of the Church, after all — the scowlers wouldn’t be so pinch-mouthed, the young parents of fidgety kids wouldn’t feel so put upon, and nice ladies like Amy would be able to pray their post-Mass thanksgiving prayers in peace without being drawn into squabbles like the one she described.

My Advice to Catholic Parents: Don’t Let Your Kids Date Non-Catholics

October 19, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

I know, this is hardly revolutionary or unique advice, but I was recently asked about this issue by a young Catholic man who called my “Open Line” radio show (heard every Thursday at 3:00 p.m. ET). He had been dating a devoutly Presbyterian girl, and her father didn’t like it one bit that the guy was Catholic.
I think my response to his “what do I do now?” question may have surprise him. (It apparently surprised and even dismayed a few of my listeners, judging from some of the e-mails that came in after that show.)
My basic premise, which I advert to in this audio segment is that, more often than not, mixed marriages (i.e., when a Catholic marries a non-Catholic) are a recipe for serious problems down the road in that marriage. My advice to Catholic parents is, teach your children well the importance of finding a devoutly Catholic spouse. Eventually, if you haven’t taught them this maxim and they, as a result, do not act on it, you will very likely see problems springing up in your extended family due to your sons and daughters being, in a certain sense, unequally yoked with non-Catholics. Word to the wise.
Take a listen . . . .

Here’s yet another reason why I am digging Herman Cain

October 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

All he is saying is give pizza chants.

The five most pathetic words: “I am a pro-choice Catholic”

October 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

How does a formerly pro-life Catholic college girl morph into a pro-abortion zealot who identifies the roots of her transformation as including attending the National March for Life?

You read that right.

As implausible as it might sound, Kate Childs Graham says that this happened to her, and the results are not pretty. In her recent (2009) article “I Am a Pro-choice Catholic,” which appears in that notorious bastion of contumacy, The National Catholic Reporter, Ms. Childs Graham reveals:

“I wasn’t always a pro-choice Catholic. During college I attended the annual March for Life on more than one occasion. The first time my friends and I traveled to the event from Indianapolis, Ind., was with a bus full of high school students — most, seemingly, only going for the trip to Washington, D.C., with their friends, sans parental supervision. Needless to say, it was a noisy bus ride. After I transferred to Catholic University, I volunteered for the Mass for Life two years in a row, helping to herd all of those high school students into every crevice of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.”

One must wonder if Ms. Childs Graham herself was one of those young people who made the journey to Washington, not to protest the evil of legalized abortion, but simply because she wanted the freedom of a little road trip, “sans parental supervision.”

She claims that, “Each time I attended the March for Life, I felt overwhelmingly conflicted. On one hand, it was moving to be among so many people, all energized by their faith . . .” (continue reading)


Irresistible Force Meets Immovable Object and Vice Versa

October 14, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog


What would happen if a pair of Mormon missionaries showed up on the doorstep of a dedicated Jehovah’s Witness? This humorous but insightful fictional dialogue is what it might sound like.

Elder Hawkins grinned as he approached the door. He and Sister Sarah had placed the Book of Mormon in four homes already this morning, and it wasn’t yet noon. He rang the doorbell and stepped back. A tall, balding man wearing a large smile opened the door. Elder Hawkins saw the Watchtower magazine in the man’s hand and his grin vanished.

(By David Washburn, This Rock Magazine, 1992)

“Come in, come in,” the man bellowed. “Don’t just stand there. Come in and let’s get acquainted.”

Hawkins ushered Sister Sarah in and followed. They sat on a couch that the man indicated. “Hello. I’m Elder Hawkins, and this is Sister Sarah. We’re from the Church of– ”

“I know. I can read your little name tags. Tell me, what do you think of the situation in the Middle East? Do you think it’s leading anywhere?”

Hawkins shrugged. “Actually, Mr.– ?”

“Call me Jack. Jack Overton’s my name.”

“Jack, then. We’re here to ask a few questions. Do you believe family is important in today’s society?”

“Sure do,” Jack nodded. “That’s why me and my family are preparing ourselves to live forever in paradise on Earth. Are you?”

Hawkins blinked. “I hadn’t really thought about –”

“You need to.”

“Tell me, Jack. Do you believe that today’s society is trying to tear down the fabric of the family?”

“They’re tearing everything down. It’s no accident that blood transfusions transmit AIDS, you know.”

“Blood transfusions. Tell me this, Jack. Do you believe that life goes on after death?”

“No. When you die, consciousness ceases. The only way to come back is if Jehovah raises you again to live in paradise on Earth.”

“Oh, then you do believe we can return and live with Heavenly Father.”

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t change the subject. Do you believe it or not?”

Jack considered. “Well, not exactly with him, but we can return here.”

“And be exalted to live with Heavenly Father.”

Jack shrugged. “If you insist on putting it that way. But not everybody will get to.”

Hawkins took a breath. “You mean some people will go to hell.”

“Hell no, I don’t mean hell! There’s no such thing.”

Hawkins smiled. “So all can return and live with Heavenly Father.”

“I’d still like to know what that means, but the answer is no. The ones who reject the truth go to oblivion. After they get their second chance, if they still reject it, they stay in oblivion.”

“Second chance?”

“Don’t you read your Bible? At the Last Judgment, where it says ‘the books were opened.’ That means …”

“Oh, you mean when our Brother Jesus returns.”

“He’s already here.”

Hawkins flinched. “Where?”

“Here. On Earth.”

Hawkins smiled at Sister Sarah. “Really? Where does he live?”

“Don’t be silly. You can’t see him. He’s invisible, just like he was when his spirit rose from the dead.”

“When his spirit– Tell me this. Do you believe that God gave the Scriptures, insofar as they are correctly translated, to teach us how we can live with Heavenly Father?”

“Oh, yes. And we have the correct translation. It’s called the New World Translation. ”

“You have Joseph Smith’s inspired translation?”

“Joseph who?”

“Sister Sarah is good at explaining prophecy. Go ahead, Sister.”

Sarah cleared her throat. “Heavenly Father gave us the Scriptures through prophets who spoke for him. But the Bible wasn’t enough.”

“It’s enough,” Jack said, “But it’s hard to understand without Watchtower study materials to interpret it.”

“It isn’t enough,” Sarah said. “There’s another Testament of Jesus Christ.”

“Why do I want another one when the two I already have tell me all I need to know?”

Sarah frowned. “Because God gave it.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Because he wanted to, I guess. It’s called the Book of Mormon.”

“It was written by a moron?”

“No, Moroni  gave it to Joseph Smith.”

Jack blinked. “The city councilman?”

“No, the prophet.”

“I hear Councilman Smith makes lots of profits, that’s for sure.”

“Not profit, prophet.” She gathered herself and tried again. “When he was fourteen, Joseph Smith had a vision of two personages. One pointed to the other and said, ‘This is my beloved Son. Listen to him.’ Who do you suppose that was?”

“This is all nice, but we really should be talking about Armageddon.”

Hawkins said, “Yes. The final battle when Jesus returns.”

“I told you, he’s already here. He returned in 1914 and established the millennial kingdom.”

Sarah stared. “But that’s supposed to be when all the Jews return to Palestine and all the Mormons return to Missouri.”

JACK laughed. “I don’t know where your misery comes into it, but Jesus returned invisibly in 1914. He’s in the process of driving out the devil’s minions. The devil is the author of the Trinity doctrine.”

Hawkins said, “You don’t believe in a Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?”

“I do, but they’re not all gods.”

“Of course they are. There are lots of gods. The Father has a glorified body, so does the Son. He took up his exalted body and returned to Heavenly Father after he died on the cross.”

“It wasn’t a cross. It was an upright stake.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Jack sighed. “At any rate, his death and spiritual resurrection gave us the prospect of eternal life on a restored Earth.”

“Spiritual resurrection? What do you mean?”

“He didn’t rise bodily. When he appeared to the disciples, he used different bodies as he pleased.”

Hawkins shook his head. “You’ve got it all wrong. He laid down his life and took it up again, just like Heavenly Father did in ages past.”

“You’re saying Jehovah died and rose, too?”

“Not Jehovah, the Father.”

“Isn’t the Father Jehovah?”

“No, he’s Adam.”

“Adam who?”

“Adam, the first man in the Bible.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Not at all. Brigham Young told us–”


“Brigham Young. He was the spiritual successor to Joseph Smith.”

“The city councilman?”

Hawkins slapped the arm of the couch. “Will you stop that? I want to tell you what God revealed to us through his prophet, Joseph Smith!”

Jack leaned back. “Don’t get so excited. Tell away.”

HAWKINS took a deep breath. “Now, the Angel Moroni appeared to Joseph and told him where he could find some golden plates containing a book that told of an ancient American civilization. He found them and translated them. They were written in Reformed Egyptian.”

“What’s Reformed Egyptian?”

“A language that nobody knows.”

“Did your Joseph know it?”


“But he translated it.”


Jack scratched his head. “Where are these plates now?”

“The angel took them back to heaven.”

Jack smiled. “That’s too bad. It would have been nice to have a New World Translation of the Christian Reformed Egyptian Scriptures.”

“Why? Joseph Smith translated them perfectly under God’s inspiration.”

“How do you know that?”

“I prayed to Heavenly Father and he showed me.”

“How did he show you?”

“When something is true, don’t you feel it? Isn’t that feeling you get how you know it’s true?”

“Oh, yes. That’s how I know my Watchtower is true and this isn’t.”

“You’re wrong. I feel that we’re the true church.”

“Your feeling is wrong. I feel that we’re the right one.”

“Your feeling is wrong.”

“Is not.”

“Is too.”

“Is not.” Jack stood. “I’m thirsty. Would you like some coffee?”

“We never pollute our bodies with coffee unless our church owns the company. Do you have any tomato juice?”

“I never buy tomato juice. It looks too much like blood, and the Scripture says you’re not supposed to eat blood. It’s no accident that blood transfusions transmit AIDS, you know.”

Hawkins stood. “Tell you what. We need to be going. Just let me leave you with a thought. If you became convinced that these things are true, would you be baptized in the Mormon Church?”

“I’ve already been baptized into Jehovah’s kingdom. Have you?”

“Not that I know of.”

“That’s too bad. You need to be baptized into his kingdom and then sell books and magazines so you can avoid oblivion. But don’t worry. He’ll give you a second chance when the books are opened, anyway.”

Hawkins shook his head and opened the door for Sister Sarah. “Goodbye, Jack. Thanks for talking to us.”

“Same to you,” Jack said as he followed them to the door. “By the way, if you’re going door-to-door, watch out for the lady two doors down. She’s a Christian Scientist. Now there’s a strange religion.”

Hawkins glanced at Sister Sarah. “Thanks for the tip. We all need to be on guard against religious fruitcakes, don’t we?”

Jack nodded. “Yes, don’t we all.”


Source: This Rock Magazine

David Washburn freelances from Powell, Wyoming. Reprinted with permission from The Door, P.O. Box 530, Yreka, CA 96097

If you were a kid in the 80s, this will probably appeal to you

October 13, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

Transformers, Legos, Rubik’s Cubes, pogs, and Matchbox cars? Remember them? My wife and I were raising our older kids in the 80s and, boy oh boy, did we buy a passel of these toys for them over the course of that decade. I can only imagine what kind of price they might fetch now if we had saved some of them in the original packaging.

Not a single Christian church left in Afghanistan, says State Department

October 11, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

But, but, what about all that talk we’ve been hearing about how Islam is “a religion of peace and tolerance”? Uh, well, according to one report that showed up this morning on the Drudge Report,

“There is not a single, public Christian church left in Afghanistan,” according to the U.S. State Department.

This reflects the state of religious freedom in that country ten years after the United States first invaded it and overthrew its Islamist Taliban regime.

In the intervening decade, U.S. taxpayers have spent $440 billion to support Afghanistan’s new government and more than 1,700 U.S. military personnel have died serving in that country.

The last public Christian church in Afghanistan was razed in March 2010, according to the Statet Department’s latest International Religious Freedom Report. The report, which was released last month and covers the period of July 1, 2010 through December 31, 2010, also states that “there were no Christian schools in the country.”

“There is no longer a public Christian church; the courts have not upheld the church’s claim to its 99-year lease, and the landowner destroyed the building in March [2010],” reads the State Department report on religious freedom. “[Private] chapels and churches for the international community of various faiths are located on several military bases, PRTs [Provincial Reconstruction Teams], and at the Italian embassy. Some citizens who converted to Christianity as refugees have returned.”

In recent times, freedom of religion has declined in Afghanistan, according to the State Department.

“The government’s level of respect for religious freedom in law and in practice declined during the reporting period, particularly for Christian groups and individuals,” reads the State Department report.

“Negative societal opinions and suspicion of Christian activities led to targeting of Christian groups and individuals, including Muslim converts to Christianity,” said the report. “The lack of government responsiveness and protection for these groups and individuals contributed to the deterioration of religious freedom.”

Most Christians in the country refuse to “state their beliefs or gather openly to worship,” said the State Department.

More than 1,700 U.S. military personnel have died serving in the decade-old Afghanistan war, according to’s database of all U.S. casualties in Afghanistan. A September audit released jointly by the Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction and the State Department’s Office of Inspector General, found that the U.S. government will spend at least $1.7 billion to support the civilian effort from 2009-2011.

According to that report, the $1.7 billion excludes additional security costs, which the report says the State Department priced at about $491 million.

A March 2011 report by the Congressional Research Service showed that overall the United States has spent more than $440 billion in the Afghanistan war. Christian aid from the international community has also gone to aid the Afghan government.

Nevertheless, according to the State Department, the lack of non-Muslim religious centers in Afghanistan can be blamed in part on a “strapped government budget,” which is primarily fueled by the U.S. aid.

“There were no explicit restrictions for religious minority groups to establish places of worship and training of clergy to serve their communities,” says the report, “however, very few public places of worship exist for minorities due to a strapped government budget.” . . . (continue reading)

Clever advice for parents of teenagers

October 5, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

Hard to believe, but Nancy and I have been raising kids for nigh unto 31 years now. We’ve done our best to lovingly and prudently herd our oldest 10 children into and through their teenage years and, so far, everyone seems intact and no worse for the wear.

Nancy and I, on the other hand, while not any worse for the wear either, have come to the point in life where we can begin to savor the tantalizingly pleasant realization that our eleventh and last child, Stephen, will soon be entering teenagehood. And that means (dontchyaknow), that, for us, raising teenagers will in the not too distant future be something we wondrously behold . . . in the rearview mirror.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that we haven’t loved and been grateful to God for all these years of living with a rambunctious throng of teens in our house at any given time, but we’re . . . shall we say, close to being ready, to transition to the next phase.

One of our favorite comedians, the insanely funny Tim Hawkins, delivers in this video some innovative advice on how to deal with teenagers. If only I could play the guitar and sing as well as he does, maybe I’d try it on my kids. Check it out.

Halloween time machine

October 4, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

The other day, I was telling one of my teenage sons about what it was like when I was a kid and went out trick-or-treating, back in the 1960s and early 1970s. For one thing, Halloween was always observed on October 31st. None of this modern-day social engineering stuff where the local municipality “transfers” Halloween to a different day. Also, back in those days, it was pretty uncommon for parents to be out walking the streets as chaperons for their kids, unless, of course, they were little kids. But pretty much, if you were 7 or 8 and up, you’d be out trick-or-treating sans parents and with your neighborhood pals. Boy, have times changed. It’s the foolish parent who’d let his grammar school aged child go out unattended these days. As for hauling candy, I learned early on (like this comedian mentions) that a pillow case is a much better, more effective confectionary repository than a paper bag, and for the very reasons he talks about.

I want that

October 3, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

Yes, this gem of a video has been around awhile, though perhaps some of you haven’t seen it yet, so I thought I’d post it for your daily dose of humor and levity. Personally, I think every guy (or at least every normal guy) would secretly like to have one of these jibs to tool around in — I know I would. Imagine showing up on a drive-through window on one.

This model doesn’t look street-legal, but it would be the perfect thing for some of the big Catholic conferences I speak at. What would really be deluxe would be if the conference organizers could have a ramp installed so I could ride up to the podium in style. Seriously, I’d add this to my Amazon Wish List, if only they carried it.

Physical Graffiti: A Catholic Perspective on Tattoos, Piercings, and “Body Art”

October 1, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

Every day, across the United States — indeed, throughout the world — men and women, boys and girls, get themselves tattooed and pierced. And not just their ears. They are participating in the modern fad of “body art,” which has its origins in antiquity, but which in recent decades as developed into some extreme forms that are often quite disturbing.

— By Deacon Robert Lukosh, Envoy Magazine —

The intentional marking or mutilation of the human body under the guise of “body art” goes beyond simple tattoos or ear-piercing as adornment for women. For many, it is a personal expression of solidarity with a social cause, a trend that attracts predominately young people, driving them to ever wilder and more shocking expressions of what some term “personal mutilation” that includes: total-body tattoos, pierced eyelids, lips, noses, tongues, foreheads, and even disfigurement of the genitalia, in a never-ending quest for the most “outrageous” form of self-expression through what is commonly known as “body art.”

These forms of personal exhibition have spread rapidly throughout contemporary Western society, resulting in a secondary wave of participants (namely, the children of those who engaged in radical body art during 70s and 80s) who, like their parents and role models, are disfiguring their own bodies irrevocably, claiming as their justification “personal freedom” and a right to unlimited self-expression.

In earlier generations, garish tattoos and unusual piercings were found almost exclusively only among members of social groups and subcultures that lurked at the fringes of mainstream society. Aside from your relatives who served in the military (which is definitely not a fringe subculture), chances are, neither of your parents nor any of your grandparents, aunts, or uncles — in the case of those born before 1950 — have tattoos or unusual piercings. But look around today and you will see a massive number of people — especially young people — who have become enamored of extreme tattoos and unusual piercings.

This modern fad of body art permeates American society, affecting virtually every industry, age group, race, sex, and religion. Since many of these people occupy leadership and mentoring roles in the lives of children and young adults, such overt displays have an additional rebound effect by providing tacit justification sufficient to overcome the doubts of those who are unsure if they want to dabble in the body art fad themselves, resulting in yet a third generation of pierced and tattooed bodies. . .

(continue reading this article in PDF form).

Sperm donor admits: “I guess I was dumb. Maybe I’m being dumb now, I don’t know.”

September 29, 2011 by  
Filed under Patrick's Blog

Nah. There’s no “maybe” about it, boyo. You were dumb then (all 70 +/- times) and you obviously are still dumb now — extra-strength dumb, if you ask me. But I will give you credit for not being so dumb that you failed to disclose your dumbness to this nice lady who seems to have been thinking, at least until this freaky moment was captured on film, that you might be a worthy candidate for husbandhood. I applaud Your Dumbness for at least letting her know about this.

(Can you imagine Ozzie & Harriet having to deal with this?)


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